Thursday, February 9, 2012

Chicken Sh!t

I'd like to thank my first ever guest blogger, Mr. WWPVWD himself, DLee for this Gem (no, not the delicious fried chicken treat).  Needless to say, lunch today was interesting.  And for the record, none of those of us involved in the conversation intend to stop eating our share of the 24 chickens the average American eats each year, but it really makes you stop and think - where do they all come from??  Without further adieu:

So, I’m eating my very pretentious Chicken Cobb Salad from Panera (sound the beacon!) at lunch today, and I start to wonder, how many people are consuming that very same salad today, and how many chickens were needed to fulfill those orders. Now, take it one step further, how many chickens are consumed by Americans in general on a daily basis. Screw that, how many chickens are consumed yearly???? It was an answer I needed, pondered (more than Christian) and required. So I asked.

Interestingly enough, my co-workers had never wondered what the answer to this mind-blowing question would be. In fact, one could ask why the hell I care. Was it because “I was loaded!!! Ok?!?” No, it was because the chicken on some very subconscious level must fascinate me. Well, I needed answers… even though I probably, in my best Jack Nicholson impression “can’t handle the truth!!!” So, we went on a hunt for the answer and here’s what we found…

The average 8 fingered, 2 thumbed American (sorry Anub!) consumes 24 chickens each year. There are 307,000,000 U.S residents (and who knows how many illegal immigrants hiding under Kurt’s desk). That equates to 7.4 billion chickens consumed by Americans each year alone. 7.4 BILLION!!!!! Manage that!!!!!

What kind of land space must that occupy? If you lined up 7.4 billion chickens, could you get to the moon (please don’t drop your pants, I’m not talking about that moon). You bet your sweet ass you could. In fact, if you lined up all the eggs, from those very same chickens that are consumed by Americans, you could get to the moon and back 5 times! On a side note, don’t try that at home. I guarantee you won’t be struttin’ that ass if you try.

Anyway, I digress. Where is the anger from the chicken-loving community? Who will rise up to defend these birds from insane amounts of procreation, egg-laying, slaughtering, and ultimately roasting on a rotisserie? They need a voice (god I love the beefier Christina Aguilera on that show)! They need to be heard (if someone can get KReba to shut-up for 5 minutes)! They need a coalition (Max can you develop a logo?)! They need…

Ahh, screw it. It’s Thursday. It’s time for Crown Brewing, It’s time for a Special Forces IPA. And, I heard they have 50 cent wings. J

Peace out until my next guest appearance.


Again, a big thank you to DLee.  The gauntlet has been thrown down.  Who's next?  And for all of you Arrested Development fans out there - enjoy some chicken dancing. 

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